Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

2/20/08 - 2/22/08

Feb 20, 2009
Friday

Today I drove up to LA from San Diego for ANC High School Girl's Retreat.
I ended up leaving at around 11am, a little later than I planned because I wanted to avoid traffic. There was a little bit, but not too much :)
Since I arrived earlier than we were supposed to (we're supposed to get to church at 4:30, and it was around 2 something when I reached Sunland) so I decided to go to a Starbucks to get something to eat and drink.
So I got these:

 
iced coffee and chicken tarragon salad sandwich


I ended up asking for a new drink because the iced coffee tasted so burnt or somethingggg:(
I got an iced black tea lightly sweetened and it is currently my new favorite drink from starbucks

I was loving the atmosphere. It's been awhile since I had a laid-back day like this, so I was reallly happy.
But then this guy showed up and sat next to me and showed me his zen garden that he made.
and I thought that was so interesting and cool, and it started thinking I would like to make one too, even though i dont really know what a zen garden is.


i took a picture of him because i thought he was so eccentric but nice.
it came out a bit blurry and bright because i was in a hurry.

So I was trying to read a bit and relax before retreat, and seriously, the atmosphere was soo relaxed and perfect, but then the guy kept saying things to me, let me try to remember some:
- do you use Crest spinbrush?? your teeth are really white and pretty.
- i invented Crest spinbrush back in 1996, but came out with it in 1999. they only paid me 1600 dollars and i got ripped off. my partners went on to do more things and i couldve too but i decided not to.
- at my grandma's funeral, she wore a kimonoa. i wasnt there so i didnt see her, but thats what ive been told. (i think he was trying to say kimono)
- my teeth is growing out, something something.... . . .

And he kept watching me read also, and laughing to himself. and doing weird hand motions and movements. so I felt Weird and uncomfortable and so i ended up leaving because I felt too uncomfortable.
but then when i get up to leave, he gets up too! and follows me out, saying that he wants to escort me to my car??? T T
I was really scared and afraid, and didnt want him there, and wished I hadnt come to Starbucks, or talked to him. but then when we get to my car, he says "good bye, have a good day." and walks away and sits by himself outside.

I was rushing to get in the car where I thought I would be safe. But as I sat there realizing I was in no real threat, I started feeling bad about how I was treating him outwardly and in my mind, how I was so distrustful of people, and also, I think what I realized was that I sort of see males not as people sometimes. Sometimes I think I see them and treat them as monsters. I didnt fully Realize this until this incident. I am a messed up person :(


***Post Retreat
So at the retreat, this was one of the things I learned. That I need to change my heart and attitude towards guys because it is not right.
Also, I had a lot of fears of not being useful, or beneficial in any way, but God is sooo good! and sooo great! sigh. I am so thankful for the experience and the Love I felt, and God really taught me alot too.
I just needed to be willing to serve Him. He had already prepared me in His own way to be able to be used. I just needed to have the willingness and sacrificial Love He first showed me. It really did take a toll on my mind, heart, and body :(. I think a lot of the high school students were a lot more mature than I expected, and their hearts for the Lord and for each other challenged, encouraged, and blessed me. And also, seeing how many of them are preparing to go to college soon, it was exciting for me because I was looking forward to how God will grow them in the years to come. I am glad to have been even a small part of the beginnings of the work He started at the retreat :)
I fell in loveee with my small group girls, and I can't stop thinking about them. hahaha

Here we are trying to be asian mafia kkang pae
Except some of them laughed, and I came out retarded:(


I took more pictures of my church before leaving for retreat.
It got busier as retreat progressed so I eventually forgot all about taking pictures. hahaha
but other people took lots, and they are like Camera people, so they have better ones anyway:)


So, when I was driving into church, I passed by the horses that live there.
When I first started going to ANC, I told myself I would go horseback riding someday.
4 years later I have yet to go:(





I think this is the Male. He started getting protective of the other horses and STARED ME DOWN!!:(
 


Also, I found a Ladybug while I was picture taking the horses.
or, it was more like It found Me:)






This was me and Ellice killing time before retreat.
I forget who's daughters these little girls were exactly,
but they were having the time of their life with the Macbook...photobooth thing?
I'm not sure what it's called. but yeah. hahaha
 

and then we ate ddukbokki and ohdaengook.
it was sooooooooooooooooooooo good. oh my goodness.
these ladies are the BEST!!




some of the students pre-departure







pre-departure talk from grace and pastor brandon :)



the guest speaker, jemma, and ellice teacher heheee


jemma (pastor's wife) and babyyy



some shots of church because it is so pretty at sunset.





this is a storage thing that looks like a house!
i think i wouldve loved to play in this when i was little.
i really liked playing house.


random red trolley truck


my shoelace kept getting undone as i was walking around taking pictures.
this shot makes my legs look either long, or squat. hahahahaha


my Special place before retreat started:)


a few more pictures to come, but next time because i am tired. byebyee

Today, I wished I had coasters.
What does this mean???
Maybe it's one of those things that happen as you grow older.
Like your tastebuds changing, and not liking sweet things as much.

Joohee came over to study today
and I made coffee for us to drink while studying.
I poured it into to mugs and brought it over to our study table.
But my cup was condensing underneath and kept leaving water rings on the table.
And I badly wanted coasters to our mugs on.
I had to resort to a folded piece of napkin.

I have one coaster, that I recieved as a present from church.
And I love it and use it when I am studying at my desk alone.
But it felt rude to bring just One coaster out, and use it for myself.
Yeah, so I wished today that I had a set of coasters to use for guests that come over.
I think that will be something I invest in when I'm older, or sometime in the future.



There are so many different kinds
      

i wish it snowed in california.
hahahaha JK